last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
