you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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