I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
