I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
