you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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