I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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