I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
