I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
