So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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