I'm gonna have a badass scar
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
