You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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