I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize