so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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