Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
