i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
