Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
