he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
