I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
