it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You ruined the universe
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
