i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
How's work?
Spinning.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
