"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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