True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
