I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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