im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
