A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
