my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
