last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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