My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize