He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
