We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
