Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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