fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize