i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Never joke about your clitoris.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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