Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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