he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize