if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
