Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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