he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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