i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
