Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
