I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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