I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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