His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
