After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
