The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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