I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
