Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
