i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
