oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
