is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
