why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
