She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize