dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
