hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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