his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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