if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
