Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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