i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
