just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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