Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Blood and glitter go together right?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
