i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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