and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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