I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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