i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
