So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
