Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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