Me too!
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
