I wish I only lived at night.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
